Be A BUDDY, Not A BULLY

Tyra Show -the Popular are Bullies

2009-11-19T16:25:00.004-05:00

Todays Tyra show was dedicated to looking at the lives of the popular kids versus the unpopular. It looked more to me like these popular kids were bullies.

Now I don't believe that all popular kids are bullies. However, the girls on the show were told by the unpopular kids that they have been laughed at, tripped, teased, snorted at...all kinds of truly hurtful things that would damage the self esteem of someone who is trying to fit in.

In the end, even after adding fat layers and acne disguises to the popular girls as an experiment to show them what it felt like, Tyra did not get the breakthrough moment she was looking for. The popular kids still felt they were not mean or hurtful. The unpopular kids still felt they would not fit in.

The most inspirational part of the program was Tyra's closing remarks. She told the popular girls that they have power and that they could choose to use that power to make others feel good. To inspire and lift up their peers rather than add to shooting them down. They might be pretty on the outside, but true beauty is when power is used to show love and act out to the benefit of others.

To the unpopular girls, she left them with the message that they simply have not peeked yet. That statistics show that most of the worlds CEO's, great mothers, and successful women, were once in the "unpopular" category.

My belief is that, as the unpopular girls demonstrated, it never feels good to be teased or bullied, but I can't believe it feels that great to BE a bully either.

INSIDE SECRET TO BEATING A BULLY

2009-10-15T12:55:00.006-04:00

Don't ever let them steal your dreams. Believe in yourself, stay focused on your goals, keep dreaming, and even though a bully may try to target you, that bully will never be able to make a victim out of you!

LOW SELF ESTEEM - The Number One Characteristic of Bullying

2009-10-09T12:06:00.004-04:00

I was recently asked what the most common characteristic is between a bully and his or her victim and immediately low self-esteem is what came to mind.

A bully would not be a bully if not for low self-esteem. When someone truly believes in them self, who they are, and understands their own strengths and weaknesses, they have no need to put others down to build them self up. After all, that's what bullying is. Picking on a target considered weaker and taking the time and effort to tear that person down repeatedly in order to make them self feel better about their own insecurities.

A victim, on the other hand, could not be a victim if not for low self-esteem. If the victim truly believed in his/her own unique specialness and stayed focused on his/her own goals, then no bully would be able to bring that person down no matter how hard they tried. Therefore, that person could not be "victimized" and the bully would eventually move on to an easier target.

The difference between the victim and the bully is that a bully always starts out with low self-esteem. The victim may start out with a healthy self-esteem, but after being the target of a bully repeatedly, the victim will start to suffer from low self-esteem because he/she starts to be affected by the words and or physical abuse of the bully and become scared, withdrawn, or other symptoms characteristic of a victim. It takes a very strong person not to be affected by a bully, but a strong, healthy self-esteem is the best prevention.

Gangs vs. Bullies- Differences and Similarities

2009-10-01T11:24:00.008-04:00

More child on child violence resulting in death with headlines reading Children Killing Children. Most recently reported on has has been the increase of it in Chicago. Okay, this is gang related violence and I am more interested in discussing bullying and its affects...so then, what is the difference between gangs and bullies?

Similarities:
1. Low Self-Esteem. Gang leaders and members suffer from low self-esteem just as bullies suffer from low self-esteem.

2. Imbalance of Power. In this case, you can say that there is bullying within the gang itself. Gang leaders force members to commit specific crimes and the members themselves can suffer greatly if they don't. Bullies always choose a victim that they can hold power over.

3. Group of people against another group or person. Gangs are always made up of groups. Many children join them just for that reason; they are looking for a sense of belonging or family and finding it in the wrong place. Sometimes bullies appear to be powerful and attract others who join in with them to feel they are part of a strong group as well.

Differences:
1. Victims. The victim of a bully is picked on verbally and or physically over and over again. The victim is constantly tormented often for no other purpose than the bully needs to feel his/her power over another who is weaker. The victim of a gang may be "bullied"in this way, but more often the purpose of this bullying (if it is constant) is to intimidate to stay away from territory, pay money, or some other criminal purpose. Many times the victim isn't even bullied at all. The victim could be a randomly selected person chosen to be killed or beaten in retaliation for something else against the gang, or the victim could be a completely unrelated innocent person "caught in the crossfire".

Bullying can escalate to Death

2009-09-25T11:42:00.001-04:00

A boy was stabbed and killed at his Coral Gables, FL school last week. I didn't know the boy, but I cried for him. And that's just the latest victim (that I know of)...there has been such a high incidence of violence at schools these days! This is what happens when bullying escalates. It is not harmless when teasing starts in kindergarten. It is not "child's play" when a girl is constantly pushed around because she is "too fat to pass by without bumping into her." If adults don't step in and fill their children with self-esteem and respect for others, we can expect to see more "bullying" escalating to death.

The new Tomgirlz book, ABBEY's TURN, is another fun to read chapter book full of surprising silliness, but the underlying messages in this book are serious and important to me. This book demonstrates the issues of bullying, teasing, childhood obesity, and how children can deal with these problems. The book is actually a tool to show children (in a fun way that doesn't preach to them) what bullying looks like, how the victim is affected, and how they can stop the problem.

Over the next several months, the TOMGIRLZ platform will be focused on anti-bullying. I hope you will visit often to participate in the discussion, learn about contests we will be hosting (with great prizes!), and stay focused on anti-bully campaigns and their effectiveness. My hope is to one day see the term 'bully' removed from the dictionary! Wouldn't that be cool?

South Florida Parenting Holiday Show...SHOW!

2008-12-03T14:25:00.006-05:00

This weekend I will be once again bringing the book TOMGIRLZ TALENT TROUBLES to life. This time I will have lots of Tomgirlz friends and my brother Jeremy joining me. If you're in Miami, make sure to come by the South Florida Parenting Holiday show at Dolphin Stadium...that's where we'll be. You can come meet me, get autographs from me and the Tomgirlz series author (she'll be there too!), and see our show of:

-Acrobatics
-Pop and Lock
-Salsa
- And Interactive Dances for you to join us!! (like the Cupid Shuffle and ChaCha Slide)

Showtimes are 3:30pm Saturday December 6
12:30pm Sunday December 7

We'll have free bookmarks for you, and of course awesome girls books for you to check out. Also, we've created a cool new item called WEARABLE BOOK CHARMS (all kinds of charms like peace signs, hearts, butterflies, frogs)...they make great bookmarks, but when you're done reading you can turn them into jewelry for girls or boys by wearing them around your neck, as a bracelet, anklet, or even in your hair!

TOMGIRLZ: GIRLS SPEAKING OUT AGAINST BULLYING

2008-09-01T16:29:00.005-04:00

Anti-bullying is a huge topic these days. My school is in Broward County Florida which is the first county to put in place an anti-bullying policy which will soon be statewide in Florida. This is great news! Most kids think bullying is just about physical problems like hitting and tripping and is really innocent. I know it can be from verbal abuses too like teasing that never stops. It's not innocent at all and when I see kids suffer from bullying, it makes me feel really bad.

Girls can be particularly cruel about teasing and bullying. The newest TOMGIRLZ books are going to deal with some of these problems. In the first book, I will meet a new friend. Her name is Abigail, but a lot of people tease her and call her Flabby Abby because she is very overweight (this book will talk about childhood obesity problems too!). Abby is really a very cool girl when you get to know who she really is (and she is much more than just an overweight girl). Overweight becomes another one of those "labels" we talk about in the TOMGIRLZ...remember, TOMGIRLZ is a word that means by yourself and don't allow others to label (limit) you.

Bullying is hurtful to the victim, but I think any person who is a bully is suffering too. Most bullies have been bullied themselves! Anyway, most people experience some kind of teasing or even bullying at some time, but overweight kids seem to experience it even more. I can't wait 'til my new book comes out so everyone can meet Abby and see what a terrific person she is!

Technorati Tags:
bullying, anti-bullying, anti-bully policy, childhood obesity, girl bullies, childhood obesity books, Florida anti-bully policy

SELENA GOMEZ SONG "TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW" IS PERFECT!

2008-08-30T07:58:00.005-04:00

As you know, I have begun my community service project called "Bringing Books to Life for Literacy." I have visited children at their schools, organizations, and a children's hospital, and have met some truly awesome kids! Until now, though, I've only been able to read (with my author mom) some chapters of my books to the kids, and then perform with my brother Jeremy a salsa routine...My good friend Andee taught me how to dance salsa in the book TOMGIRLZ TALENT TROUBLES. Jeremy gets to perform a pop and lock solo after our salsa routine, but I really want to do a solo of my own just like my acrobatic talent show performance from the book. Problem is, I didn't have the right music...UNTIL NOW!

I am so excited, I just found the perfect music! The song "Tell Me Something I Don't Know" by Selena Gomez is perfect for a lot of reasons. First of all, Selena has a lot of attitude...just like TOMGIRLZ definitely have attitude. But our attitude is always with a positive twist, NOT negative. The song is about a girl who has big dreams...HUGE dreams! Dreams so enormous that everyone tells her that she shouldn't bother. They tell her that her chances are one in a zillion and that she's wasting her time. You know what she answers them? Yup..."Tell Me Something I Don't Know"!

This girl understands that it can be difficult to make dreams come true, but she stands firm in her belief in herself and refuses to change her mind and refuses to allow others to tell her what can or can't happen in her life. She knows that only SHE can control what dreams come true in her life. It's true for you too. You can decide to listen to others and allow their thoughts and desires to affect you...or you can decide that your own thoughts and desires are what will control you and determine who you are and want to be. However, she doesn't live in la la land. She knows she has a tough road ahead, but she is willing to take it on. I LOVE it! What a terrific message in this song...and Selena Gomez herself certainly shows that dreams can come true. I can't wait to start performing my own solo routine now, because I am totally inspired by this great song. Way to go Selena Gomez! She truly shows the spirit of the TOMGIRLZ!!

BROWARD GENERAL CHILDREN's HOSPITAL VISIT

2008-08-29T11:18:00.003-04:00

There are some incredibly special people at Broward General in Davie, FL and I had an amazing time visiting them as part of my community service project called "Bringing Books to Life for Literacy." On the day of my visit there were several special girls welcoming me on the oncology floor of the children's hospital. They each have there own story and every one of them inspired me. One girl had even just met the Jonas Brothers through the Make A Wish Foundation. I'm thrilled she would even want to see me after meeting the Jonas Brothers!!

My brother Jeremy was with me and we performed our Salsa routine for them which was our way of bringing the book TOMGIRLZ TALENT TROUBLES to life. I think they liked it, but they especially loved when Jeremy did his pop and lock routine. I have to give him credit, he's actually really good at it. Things got even more fun when he taught the girls how to do some popping. That was great because it was something they could easily do even from their wheelchairs and hooked up to an IV! Let me tell you, these girls have style, courage, and a whole lot of spirit and I thank them so much for the time they spent with me!!

TOMGIRLZ FOR COMMUNITY SERVICE

2008-07-09T09:34:00.003-04:00

My Tomgirlz friends and I look out for each other, but we also care a lot about our community. Since I am in all the TOMGIRLZ chapter books and I think reading is really cool, I would like to see all children enjoy reading as much as I do. So I decided to start a new community service program that I am calling BRINGING BOOKS TO LIFE FOR LITERACY. I will visit children anywhere I am invited like libraries, organizations, events, and children's hospitals. My first visit will be at the Holtz children's hospital in South Florida in August. I will give more details when I get them.

The best thing is what I'll be doing there. I will get to talk to the children about some of the messages in the books and my creator (the book author), will read a chapter from MACKEY THE MEDIC to them. Then I will perform my talent act from the TOMGIRLZ TALENT TROUBLES book, which will be just like bringing the book to life!

I hope they will enjoy the visit and that I can bring a smile to their day. Remember...Laughter is the best medicine!

TOMGIRLZ TOO THURSDAY: RACHEL RAY, MAKING MORE THAN GOOD FOOD

2008-01-10T09:05:00.000-05:00

There are so many amazing Tomgirlz out there, I didn't realize how hard it would be to highlight just one person each week! I had many considerations for today, but decided to go with RACHEL RAY.

I always liked Rachel Ray, but was truly first impressed when I watched an episode of her TV show. She had a young boy as her guest and he really put down cooking, saying it was for girls. Rachel put the boy together with a celebrity male chef and they spent some time together talking and cooking. I forget what kind of food they made, but to me the importance was in the magic that was made. The boy smiled, enjoyed, and now believes that cooking is for everyone!

Rachel Ray is not without her critics, but she refuses to change who she is based on the views of others. This is what really makes her a role model TOMGIRL. Her success comes from just being herself and not trying to fit the mold of others. Way to go!
My mom can't cook at all (well, at least not to the point that the food tastes good!), but Rachel has taught me that cooking is about so much more than just the food. It is about bringing people together, it is about sharing experiences, creating a mood, and connecting with one another.

Food is a recurring theme in the Tomgirlz chapter books. There are many restaurant scenes, food fights, and the book titiled TOMGIRLZ A,B,SEA! is all about the tomgirlz creating mush cup cookies!! In fact, Rachel Ray even makes an appearance in that book. She is on the same cruise with me and my friends and we actually get to meet her!

Rach is definitely one of our tomgirlz. She has a fearless can do spirit that is infectious and she is anxious to share it with everyone. And look at her success in sharing!... She has numerous cook books in publication, a wonderful magazine, and her TV show is now in its second season. Way to go Rach! Even if we don't learn much about cooking (sorry Rach, I could watch you forever and remain a terrible cook), we should all be able to learn a little about living life from Rachel Ray. Above all, the fact that if you take a dream and add some ingredients like action and perseverence, you can make your dreams come true.

THURSDAY TOMGILRZ TOO: HILLARY CLINTON

2008-01-03T17:05:00.000-05:00

A television interview of Bill Clinton became very interesting when he was questioned about his feelings towards Elizabeth Edwards’ attacks against Hillary Clinton concerning her run for the White House. Mrs. Edwards was very critical about Hillary’s role for women and said she was behaving like a man.

No one directly involved in Hillary Clinton’s campaign made a response to Elizabeth Edwards’ statement, but Bill Clinton’s response was as follows… “She’s not acting like a man; she’s behaving like a leader.”

In one very short perfect sentence, Bill Clinton showed an incredible understanding of how women, as well as our young girls, ought to be treated in this world. Why should a woman being strong and effective mean she is man-like? Why should a young girl who likes to catch bugs, jump in puddles, and is smart on the ball field mean she is boy-like?

My belief is that most young girls possess great strengths and leadership abilities and have what it takes to grow into successful women who benefit our communities. Unfortunately, attitudes such as those expressed in Elizabeth Edwards’ statements are damaging for young girls. Hearing attitudes like that early in life can cause girls to subconsciously hold themselves back and not become all that they are capable of.

Just like Hillary Clinton is behaving like a wonderful role model for our young girls, the Tomgirlz also strive to be good role models. Our chapter books were created in response to the negative tom-boy versus girlie girl labeling girls are faced with every day. Ideally, this should be a world where all girls fit and are valued for who they are. All girls are welcome under the tomgirlz label which basically stands for being yourself; there is no longer any need for a girl to try to fit a label that someone else would like to stick her in. Unfortunately, as we have seen, it is often girls who are the meanest to other girls and they grow up to be women who are unsupportive of each other.

The Tomgirlz are about character building by teaching girls to be supportive and respectful of their peers and community. We are about self respect, being cool and funky without being provocative, being independent and competitive while building others up instead of tearing them down or being mean, and promoting genuine good attitude and love of life. All of these positive messages are demonstrated through very funny stories which hopefully will also help foster a love of reading.

Thank you Hillary Clinton for your TOMGIRLZ attitude. We need more statements like when you said in a recent debate, "I'm not playing the gendar card, I'm playing the winning card."

DO YEAR 2008!

2007-12-31T16:30:00.001-05:00

There are a lot of plans for the TOMGIRLZ in 2008. Here's just a couple of things you can expect to see....

1. Yes! There will be more books added to the chapter book series! The 6th book has been started and introduces a new character named Abigail. Unfortunately, there are still some not so kind kidz in the world and they call her "flabby Abbey". Yes, Abbey suffers from obesity, but she is still a person and Mackey and the TOMGIRLZ take Abbey under their wings. Through this funny story, the girls learn about exercise and nutrition, the serious issue of childhood obesity, and once again demonstrate the spirit of friendship.

2. I would like periodically to choose a real life Tomgirl (sometimes child, sometimes adult) and feature her on my blog! I am very excited about this because there are many wonderful girls (and women) out there with true TOMGIRLZ spirit and I can't wait to recognize them. Look for headings titled TOMGIRLZ TOO!

If you have any of your own ideas to improve this blog for all of us, please share! I'd love to hear from you.

MIAMI BOOK FAIR 2007 PHOTOS

2007-12-26T18:30:00.000-05:00

Thanks for everyone who visited the TOMGIRLZ booth and author Dana Lurie at the 2007 Miami Book Fair!

I'm In Two New Books

2007-11-16T14:13:00.000-05:00

Hey Kids! Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been busy working on these new books for the Miami Book Fair.

In the first book, TOMGIRLZ TALENT TROUBLES, my friends and I are in a school talent competition. I want to win soooo bad, but I still see it as a great learning opportunity. I meet a new friend in this book. Her name is Andee and she dances SALSA with her brother Drew. They are such amazing dancers that it makes me want to learn salsa too! And guess what? Andee is a great teacher!

In TOMGIRLZ A, B, SEA! my mom wins 15 tickets to a cruise. That's awesome! Unfortunately, we are short one ticket for Keekee. No Keekee? No way! The rest of my friends and I decide to have a bake sale and buy the ticket for Keekee. That's where all the fun begins!

I hope you enjoy my stories,
MACKEY

I Just Created Mush Cup Cookies!

2007-07-26T07:43:00.001-04:00

My fifth book is currently underway and is once again all about me and my TOMGIRL friends. Yes, we do find trouble and make messes as usual, but that's really not on purpose. In this book, "Tomgirlz A...B...Sea", we are all going on a cruise that my mom won tickets for. Unfortunately, there is no ticket for Keekee. Well, we can't bear to see someone get left out. So...we decide to have a bake sale and earn enough money to buy the ticket.

In the process, I created a new twist on the chocolate chip cookie called mush cups that everyone is going crazy for! I think they will make this bake sale a real success.

MY FAVORITE COMPUTER GAME

2007-07-09T11:36:00.000-04:00

Have you checked out my website? I just got a cool new link that goes to my favorite game. I change my mind all the time about which game is my favorite, so it will change often on the site too. Right now the game is Monkey Lander. I don't know why, but that cute little monkey keeps me playing for hours. If you want to try it, go to my site at www.TOMGIRLZ.com If you scroll down the page, you will see a link to my favorite games! Have fun!!!

Cool FACE PAINT Idea

2007-07-02T09:36:00.001-04:00

I love face paint. The only thing I don't like about it is when you have to wait in line, but sometimes that means the artist doing the face paint takes more time with each kid and can do really cool things. Here is a sample of a really cool face paint idea... JACK SPARROW! Have the artist make eyes down your face and on top of your eyelids. People will really stop and stare!

Nancy Drew Is Definitely One Of Our Tomgirlz

2007-06-23T16:23:00.000-04:00

Did you see Nancy Drew yet? My Mom took me the other day and it was awesome. If you didn't see it yet, you definitely should. My Mom loved it too! We talked about it over dinner after the show and decided she's definitely TOMGIRLZ material! She dresses the way she wants, is definitely competitive, strong, courageous, and SMART! Most important, Nancy Drew is never mean to others...even if they appear to be mean to her. Those girls at her new school were bullies to her, but she never let that stop her from being herself and doing what she felt had to get done. In fact, even though they bullied her at the start, she was always nice to them. And the bully girl's brother... even though he was young, overweight, and nerdy, she accepted him for who he was and they became true friends. Nancy Drew gets drawn into her dangerous adventures for the purpose of helping others. That's awesome!! That's Tomgirlz! I'm a new Nancy Drew fan.

Tomgirlz Inspiration

2007-06-18T15:24:00.000-04:00

In case you were wondering...here is the real life inspiration for Mackey Mack and Jeremy

A Day With Mom

2007-06-16T07:46:00.000-04:00

Today was awesome! My brother Jeremy is still in New York, but my mom decided not to do any work and made the whole day just for me! We packed up a lunch and went to the beach. At the beach we went swimming for a while and then we went for a long walk to look for shells. I don't really look for shells anymore. I like to find smooth, colorful rocks and pieces of sea glass. Sea glass is so cool! It's hard to find, so when I got two pieces I was really excited. Then we went home and did crafts with our rocks and shells. After all that we went out to the movies and then got ice cream which melted before I could eat it all and messed up the back seat of the car and the back seat of my pants! It was the best Mom and Mackey day... thanks Mom!

I Actually MISS My Brother... For REAL!

2007-06-12T09:40:00.000-04:00

My brother went to New York last week to vistit our grandparents in upstate New York. I wanted to go too, but he's going for six whole weeks. I have too many commitments to my dance company and gymanstics team which means I can't miss so much practice, so I couldn't go. Mom made me feel better, though, by pointing out that I'll have the entire house and two parents just for me! No Jeremy to bother me in the morning, take my things, or hog the TV. Well that sounded just awesome, but guess what? I MISS HIM! No Jeremy to jump on in the morning, grab whatever he's playing with out of his hands, or get into trouble just for the fun of it. And you know what else? I don't even like to watch TV... this is gonna be the longest 6 weeks of my life!

TOMGIRLZ FITS US ALL

2007-06-05T12:27:00.000-04:00

This whole Tomgirlz thing started a couple years ago. I called myself a tomboy because I thought it was a way cooler thing to be than a girlie girl. I'm SO not a girlie girl. Anyway, my mom went crazy 'cause she looked up the word tomboy in the dictionary and it was there. It means a girl who is boy-like! She said I'm SO not a tomboy. She didn't really understand why I had to call myself anything at all, but I explained to her that all girls in elementary school use some kind of label. It's cool! Then she made up a new word just for me and my friends...TOMGIRLZ. She said that means a girl who is strong and competitive, might like skirts and dresses... or not, but even if she's in a skirt she can still jump in puddles, catch bugs, and climb fences. She can participate in any sports or dance she wants, be smart, be cool, BE HERSELF... and always fit in. She says we are all great just the way we are whether we do things the same or we do things different. AWESOME! My friends loved this. Now we are all TOMGIRLZ and we welcome you too!!